


Any Other Business?

by RachaelGold



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 14:39:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14696262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachaelGold/pseuds/RachaelGold
Summary: Chakotay puts an item on the agenda for the Briefing Room and it's bound to get Kathryn's back up...the fraternization protocol!Setting: Season 7, after Pathfinder





	1. Chapter 1

Janeway scanned down her padd to the last entry listed under AOB and her eyes widened. That hadn't been there earlier, surely. She'd have noticed, and she certainly hadn't approved the item. 

It read: CLARIFICATION OF FRATERNIZATION PROTOCOL 

She looked up and scanned the solemn faces of her senior officers seated round the Briefing Room table. 

"There appears to be another item on the agenda," she announced, some irritation showing in her voice. "I have not been made aware of the matter, nor have I given it my approval. Would you care to enlighten me as to who added this item?" 

Chakotay gave a small cough. The morning's briefing had been smooth and untroubled up to this point. "That would be me," he said, meeting her steely glare without flinching. She might have guessed. They had had several discussions recently about moving beyond friendship, and whether Starfleet guidelines could be said to apply to a ship years away from Federation space. She was adamant, much to his disappointment, that the Captain did not have the luxury to indulge herself in a relationship. It would be entirely inappropriate for her to become involved with a member of her crew. He had hoped that as time went by, she would modify her views, but so far that hadn't happened. 

Janeway glared at him, her disapproval evident. "Would you care to explain?" 

"Yes, Captain. We have been out here for over six years now, and inevitably a number of long-term relationships have developed amongst the crew, Tom and B'Elanna being a case in point. I imagine it will not be long before more people approach you with a view to marriage. I think it's high time we reviewed the rules and discussed whether or not they still apply. They were never intended for the crew of a ship stranded and isolated for decades in a remote part of the universe." 

"May I remind you that they are not rules as such, but guidelines. They are open to interpretation," Janeway conceded. 

"However, there are members of this crew that take them very seriously, and I believe that it's time we reviewed them in the light of our situation." 

Janeway sighed inwardly. He knew he meant her. There was no-one else, except possibly Tuvok, who could be considered to be sticklers to the last vestige of protocol. 

"Protocol 15," intoned Janeway, with no need to refer to her padd. She knew the lines verbatim. "Starfleet personnel must at all times conduct themselves in a manner appropriate to their station. They should not engage in activities that interfere with their ability to perform their duty. 

Protocol 101: Senior ranking officers assigned to a starship should abstain from forming intimate relationships with other members of their crew, and at all times conduct themselves in a manner which upholds the command structure. A breach of this protocol should be reported to Starfleet Command, who may deem it necessary to reassign one or both of the parties involved, if they consider the relationship to be detrimental to the smooth running of the ship. In general, relationships between senior ranking officers would be viewed as conflicting with best possible operational functionality of the ship. However, pre-existing committed relationships are usually respected, and both parties may be assigned to command positions on the same ship in exceptional circumstances." 

"Exceptional circumstances!" said Chakotay. "Precisely." 

"If this is not exceptional circumstances, then I don't know what is!" exclaimed Tom Paris, intrigued by this turn of events. The meeting had been uneventful and relatively dull so far. This had definitely woken him up. 

"I accept that!" responded the Captain. "We are in exceptional circumstances. We are almost a closed community, and none of us are really in a position to form a relationship with anyone from outside. Which is why I have given you and B'Elanna my blessing, Tom. I would not wish you to put your lives on hold until we get home." 

"We've always been grateful for your support, Captain," put in B'Elanna, "and although I know you had just cause to reprimand us for our behaviour once, I hope that you've never had cause to regret supporting us. We want to thank you for that." 

"Thus far, I have not regretted it for a moment. I can see you are both very happy together, and you have both continued to work as efficient and upstanding officers." 

"Captain, may I enquire as to whether you would apply the same flexibility to either Tuvok or myself, should we wish to pursue a relationship?" enquired Chakotay, getting to the crux of the matter. 

Janeway looked at him darkly. She knew where this was going, and she didn't like it. "Of course. I would expect the same high standard of conduct from both of you, should the circumstances arise. But no, I would not stand in your way if you wished to pursue such a relationship. I hope I have always made it clear that you were free to do so, although if Tuvok were to come to me and say he was involved with someone, I would certainly have something to say to him as a friend, given that he has a wife back on Vulcan." Tuvok merely raised an eyebrow at this, as if such a scenario was completely absurd. 

"And what about yourself?" persisted Chakotay. "Is the Captain free to pursue a relationship, should she so wish?" 

There was a collective intake of breath, but Janeway's steely gaze did not waver. "As Captain, I am in a unique and difficult position. I don't expect to have the same freedoms as the rest of you." 

"With respect, Captain," said Tom, wishing whole-heartedly to come to Chakotay's aid, "you are no different from the rest of us. I'm sure I speak for the entire crew when I say that none of us believe you should be denied such basic humanoid rights that the rest of us enjoy. We don't expect you to live like a nun for the rest of the journey. I hope B'Elanna and I have proved that we can be out here and be happy. And we can still perform our jobs professionally. I think we have to accept that we are much more than the crew of a starship out here, we are a family. And the head of that family is as entitled to happiness as the rest of us." 

"Tom, I appreciate your concern, but I think you have to leave that decision to me. I am quite capable of making up my own mind. Now is there any other business?" Janeway asked, anxious to put an end to this awkward meeting. 

"Captain, if I may?" said Tuvok, concerned to move the discussion forward. He had always held much more concern for his Captain's well-being than he would ever let on. He knew how the command team felt about each other, and he understood his Captain's rigid adherence to protocol. But he wasn't sure it was healthy for her. 

"Yes, Tuvok," said Janeway. 

"Might I suggest we ask for clarification of protocol no. 101 in the next data-stream? It is apparent that a lot of minds would be put at rest if Starfleet Command were to concur that we were operating under exceptional circumstances." 

Janeway looked at him with mild irritation. It seemed even Tuvok was against her on this. Still, his suggestion was not an unreasonable one. "Very well. Please draft the enquiry on my behalf and run it by me before you send it." 

"Aye Captain," said Tuvok. 

"Dismissed." 

As the officers rose to leave the meeting, Tuvok knew he was going to add an addendum to Starfleet that he wouldn't show to his commanding officer. He would explain what was really going on here, and add his recommendation that they rescinded protocol 101 entirely. He would add that he considered that the Captain's strict adherence to it was in itself detrimental to the smooth running of the ship. 

The officers began to file out of the Briefing Room, more than a little relieved to have escaped the last few minutes unscathed. 

"Not you, Chakotay!" ordered Janeway, arresting his exit, and Chakotay took a deep breath. He knew he was in for it. He looked at Tuvok as he passed and quietly mouthed a thank-you. He knew that a request for clarification could only have come from Tuvok or the Captain herself. If he had sent such a request, his former status as a Maquis would have meant that the protocol would probably not only have come back still fully endorsed, but would have been papered over with three or four more layers of reinforcement. 

Kathryn's eyes glowered, until she and Chakotay were alone. He waited in silence, watching her warily as she began to pace the room. 

"How dare you!" she began. "How dare you bring this topic up! I won't have our dirty laundry aired in front of everybody!" 

"It was just hypothetical question. I doubt anyone attached any significance to it." 

"Hypothetical? Don't give me that. They could all read the subtext. They all knew what the significance was. We were talking about you and me! You know it, I know it and they knew it! I have never felt so embarrassed. I won't have my love-life, or lack thereof, picked over by the senior staff. You put me in a very awkward position. I felt…undignified!" 

"Kathryn, they respect you. Nobody thought you undignified, I promise you. You're more than a Captain to them. As Tom said, you're the head of a family. You're very much loved and admired. And nobody expects you to sacrifice your own happiness for their sake." 

"How can you presume to know what would make me happy?" she asked angrily. 

"I can't. I only know that you are unhappy as things stand." Kathryn looked at him resentfully. "We've been close friends for six years, and I think I know more than a little about what makes Kathryn Janeway tick." 

"Even so, it was not an appropriate topic for briefing." 

"I think it was high time this was discussed. Besides, I can't get you to talk about it when we're alone." 

"That's because I consider the matter closed." 

"Look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me. Then I'll consider the matter closed." 

Kathryn looked at him darkly. She couldn't tell him she didn't love him, for the simple fact that she did. "If I said it, I doubt you'd believe me." 

"No, you're probably right. Look, I've been incredibly patient. I was sure in time you'd come round to entertaining the idea. That you would see that it was pointless sticking to some out-dated mindless protocol that was never meant for people in our situation. Personally, I don't give a damn about Starfleet protocol. When we get home… _if_ we get home, they'll have far worse things to throw at me than whether or not I'm making love to my Captain." Kathryn's tight lips clearly indicated that she didn't exactly empathise with this sentiment. "I understand you feel differently, and I think it only appropriate that we ask for clarification on the issue, seeing as it matters to you so much. It doesn't matter to a single other soul on this ship, but it matters to her Captain." 

"Chakotay, you might not get the answer you want. Have you thought about that?" 

"Yes. I might not. But it was a risk I was willing to take." 

"And even if you do, that doesn't mean I'm going to leap into your arms and we'll all live happily ever after." 

"Far be it from me to assume anything where you're concerned could be that easy. You're a stubborn woman, Kathryn Janeway. You don't know when something good is been handed to you on a plate. You'd rather turn it down for the sake of holding face, than take a chance on happiness." 

"I'm responsible for over a hundred and forty lives!" 

"You are not alone. I share that responsibility with you. Don't think for a second that their lives will be at any greater risk, if their Captain and First Officer get together. You think the ship is more likely to be attacked? Be blown to pieces or smash into some asteroid? Or be so badly damaged that we have to limp to some planet and give up on this dangerous quest to get home? The odds are against us, whatever way you look at it!" 

"But I have to function as Captain of this ship. I can't start running around like a hormonally charged adolescent, setting a poor example to my crew and losing their respect in the process. What a fine Captain that would make me!" 

"Kathryn, you can be as hormonally charged as you like…in the privacy of your own quarters, and still function brilliantly as Captain. I know you can," he said, with a wistful grin on his face. 

"That's what this is all about, isn't it? You want Starfleet's permission to fuck your Captain. You think they'll say: _go ahead…feel free. Do what you damn well like!_ And then I'll just lie down meekly and let you have your way with me…" 

"Clearly not," he said bitterly, watching the stiffened resolve in her posture. "But at least you'll have made the decision yourself, instead of letting some bureaucrats forty-thousand light years away dictate how you run your life." 

She glowered at him. "You will have got precisely nowhere. All you will have achieved is to humiliate me in front of my senior officers." 

"Is that all you care about? What the crew think of you? Never mind what I feel?" 

"You just want to get your leg over. Find someone else to accommodate you." 

"No, I do not just want to get my leg over. This is not some juvenile rite of conquest. God help me, I love you. I always have, I always will. And I am looking for something much more permanent and satisfying." 

"This is not up for discussion. Unless we get home, it never will be." 

"Fine," he said huffily. "In the meantime the Captain can go fuck herself. Oh wait, that's all she can do! How convenient! She can do it without breaking any Starfleet protocol!" 

He turned on his heel and left, without waiting to be dismissed. He left behind an angry woman, speechless with shock at the way he had spoken to her. 


	2. Chapter 2

They didn't see each other for the rest of the duty shift, but both spent the afternoon mulling over what had been said. Kathryn found her anger subsiding a little. After all, she and Chakotay were very close, and she hated that this monstrous thing, which had lain low for so long, seemed to be rearing up and driving itself between them again. She wanted Chakotay to feel free to move on, but she knew she'd hate it if he ever did. 

Chakotay was bitterly regretting his harsh words. He could have kicked himself afterwards for speaking to her like that. After all, she was the woman he loved, more deeply than any other. And he'd started all this. He never in a million years would have expected her to take it like a lamb. He went to her quarters almost as soon as she came off-duty. 

He rang the chime nervously and she bade him come in. There was immediately a sense of tension between them. 

"I came to apologise," he began contritely. "I shouldn't have used that language." 

"No, you shouldn't." 

"It was inappropriate and I'm very sorry." 

She made him wait a few awkward seconds, before letting him off the hook. "As I recall, I used the _'f'_ word first." 

"You did," he responded, encouraged. "But that didn't give me the right to throw it back at you." 

"So…where do we go from here?" 

"Round and round in circles, most probably. If you think it inappropriate for Tuvok to send that request to Starfleet, I'll understand." 

"No…no. We made the decision at briefing this morning, and I'm not going to make myself look even more stupid by taking it back. You are right about it needing clarification." 

"As if we need permission to adjust our interpretation of protocol!" 

"You're right. We don't. But it would be helpful, if they gave us their support. Speaking generally, of course." 

"Of course. But at some time we have to talk about what it means to us. Kathryn...this isn't just about sex." 

"Isn't it?" 

"Well, no. It's about companionship...mutual support... 

"We have that already..." 

"About spending our off-duty time together. Shore leave. Sleeping in the same room...holding each other. Commitment." 

"It's about sex, Chakotay. You wouldn't be so wound up about it otherwise." 

"Okay, it's mostly about sex. But those other things count for a lot in my mind too. Kathryn, I'm sorry if the idea of sleeping with me is so abhorrent to you…" 

She blinked. "It's not abhorrent to me." 

"No?" 

"Well, who the hell do you think I'm dreaming of on those rare occasions when I proverbially fuck myself?" 

It was Chakotay's turn to be shocked. His jaw dropped. "You mean…?" Kathryn laughed at his consternation. "Really?" 

"Yes, but don't let it go to your head." 

Chakotay was dumbfounded for a moment. "Let me assure you the real thing would infinitely more satisfying." 

"I'm sure you're right." 

"Then why not find out for yourself?" He leant close to her ear. "I'm very talented. I know how to please a woman." 

Kathryn shivered. "I don't doubt it." 

"Well then?" 

"I can't…I…just…" 

"You can't reconcile indulging your feelings with your responsibilities." 

She sniffed regretfully. "Something like that." 

"Is the protocol thing an issue? Or is it just another of your safety nets?" 

"Oh yes. It is an issue." 

"And if Starfleet offer some flexibility…?" 

"I don't know. I honestly don't know if I'll feel differently. But I will be running out of safety nets." 

"Kathryn, I'm a safe pair of hands. I'm more than willing to make a commitment, if it makes a difference. In fact, I _want_ to make a commitment." 

"You do?" she asked in wonder. 

"From the bottom of my heart. I have never loved like I do now. So deeply, so completely, so...eternally. Do you love me?" 

"I'm not going to answer that question." 

"That wasn't a _no_." 

"It wasn't a _yes_." 

"Not even a _maybe_?" 

"More like a _you've got some nerve asking your commanding officer a question like that_." 

"Well okay," he said, actually encouraged. "Promise me, you'll give this some thought." 

"I will." 

"And remember, you're not alone, Kathryn. You don't bear the sole burden for this ship. I want you to know that." 

She placed her hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. "Thank you." 

"There is no need for you to isolate yourself from the rest of the crew. It's okay for you to socialise…to let your hair down a bit. They love it when you do. Don't you remember how things were a few years back and we weren't quite so careworn? When you used to join us in Sandrines or take part in Talent Shows? What happened, Kathryn?" 

"I guess…I don't know. Maybe I was more hopeful in those days that we'd find some quick way home. That we wouldn't have to wait so long. The journey has taken its toll." 

"It sure has. On all of us. All the more reason to live life to the full in the here and now. Not to sacrifice our present for a future that may never happen." 

"I seem to remember you saying that to me once before," she said with glistening eyes. "A long time ago." 

"Yes," he smiled. "I remember. I loved you then, and I love you still. And we're still sacrificing the present for that future that may not happen." 

He turned for the door, determined to leave her with her own thoughts. 

"Stay for dinner?" she asked hopefully. 

"Not tonight, Kathryn. You have some thinking to do," he said gently. "But I'll be in Sandrines later with Tom and B'El. If you'd like to join us…" 

"Perhaps I will," she smiled. 

The next few days they spent treating each other with kid gloves. They spent much of their time together tip-toeing around the subject so dear to his heart. In reality, it was dear to her heart too, although she would never admit it to him at the moment. 

Tuvok duly sent the inquiry, with his own personal addendum, and they waited for the next data-stream to arrive. As the day approached, the tension heightened on the Bridge and elsewhere. Kathryn and Chakotay began to avoid each other again, and when they did meet, they seemed to be at each other's throats. The senior officers found the atmosphere unbearable at times, firmly of the view that much of this was caused by unresolved sexual tension, and began to pray for a favourable response. They did not care to contemplate Chakotay's devastation should it prove otherwise, nor the ensuing damage it might cause to the command relationship. 

Kathryn herself had spent the days feeling very torn. She so wanted to give in. She knew they loved each other, that wasn't in dispute. She may not have admitted her feelings to him (he'd never pushed this hard before), but that didn't make it any less real. She had no intention of telling him either. She knew that if he ever acquired certain knowledge of it, he'd be like a dog with a bone between his teeth. He'd never let it drop. 

There was nothing in the universe she wanted more than to get home and become his lover. But here on this ship she felt she could only do one thing, and that was to be the Captain this ship needed. She owed her people that for stranding them out here. Equally, she knew she would find it very hard to bear, if he gave up on her and moved on. It would break her heart. And if she didn't capitulate, she knew now it would break his too. He'd get over it, she thought, but at what cost to their relationship? It was a painful dilemma for her. 

* * *

  


The day before the next data-stream was due to arrive, they ended up in her Ready Room, both acutely aware that this small thing might have a profound impact on their relationship. For Kathryn, it would mean that she would know one way or another whether Starfleet would forgive her for indulging in a more intimate relationship with her First Officer. That didn't mean to say that the crew would forgive her for doing so, or even that she'd forgive herself. She believed that, if it went the way Chakotay hoped, her life would actually get more complicated. The attraction she had been fighting for six years now would be that bit harder to resist. 

Chakotay was even more on tenterhooks. He knew if the decision went against him, all hope of ever having Kathryn this side of the Alpha Quadrant would be gone. It had been a huge gamble on his part, without even the sure knowledge that, if it paid off, he'd actually get the prize. 

"Data-stream's due tomorrow," he said casually, as they concluded ship's business. 

"I know," she said, with apparent disinterest. 

"Aren't you the least bit interested?" 

"I don't know why you think the result will make much difference either way. It's just too risky. I can't let myself get involved with anyone. Least of all you." 

"Risky?" 

"Yes." 

"Why?" 

"Chakotay, if it all went wrong…think what it would do to our command relationship!" 

"It's not going to go wrong. I cannot understand why you feel this would be such a disaster. I love you, you love me. What could be more natural?" 

Kathryn's eyes widened in outrage. "Isn't that a bit presumptuous?" 

"Not really." 

"I've never told you that." 

"No. It's what you haven't said that gives you away. Kathryn, we wouldn't be having this conversation if you didn't love me." Her jaw dropped at his effrontery. "All these arguments would have had no substance. I believe you would long ago have had enough consideration for my feelings to have told me to give up all hope. You'd have spelt it out to me. That we could never be lovers…because you just didn't feel the same way about me. That would have put a stop to this once and for all. Instead you've never said anything of the kind, even though I'm confident you've always known how I felt about you. Your silence in itself tells me more than I needed to know. I can tell what's going on here. There's nobody on this ship that I would rather spend my off-duty time with, and it's the same for you. We already know the companionship side is going to work. As to the physical…you've all the needs and desires of any normal hot-blooded woman. And I am damned confident in my own abilities in the bedroom. Believe me, if you let me touch you, you won't ever want me to stop. Just as I'm certain I'm never going to want to stop touching you. 

It's simple, Kathryn. I love you. You love me, and it's as much your wish as mine that we could be together. But so far you've felt you couldn't cross that line whilst we held our respective command positions and you didn't want to hold me to a promise to wait until we got home or gave up on the quest. You wanted me to feel free to move on, so you've kept your feelings to yourself. But at the same time, you still held on to your hope. Am I right?" Kathryn merely gaped at him. "Am I right?" he persisted. 

She drew a deep breath. There was no point in lying. He would see straight through her. "Substantially yes," she answered, much to his relief. 

"I've been very patient. We've waited six years. Now it's time to thrash this out. We aren't getting home any time soon. We have to accept that. Voyager is our home, and we have to start living life here." 

"Chakotay, I can't give up on us getting home. If the Captain isn't focused on that…" 

"The Captain doesn't have to give up living to do her job properly." 

"No, Chakotay. I'm sure you're right. But Starfleet is a hard taskmaster. We all know there are going to be sacrifices when we sign up." 

"It doesn't have to be like that. Some sacrifices are just plain unnecessary. If I had my way, we'd tell Starfleet to go to hell. Still, we'll find out what they really think tomorrow." 

"And what if you don't get the answer you want?" she said, looking at him defiantly. 

"And what if I do?" he challenged. There was a silence for a few moments, before he added, "Look, all I ask is that you think about this as a woman, not as a Captain, and don't let the demands of protocol cloud the issue." 

"It's not easy to do that. Why does everything have to be so complicated? Why couldn't the two of us just have a normal command relationship? Just because we're the opposite sex, it doesn't mean we should have to deal with all this...this...garbage." 

"Sexual tension?" 

"Okay," she conceded. "Sexual tension." 

"Sure as hell, I wouldn't have felt like this about you, if you'd been Picard or Montgomery or Ransom..." 

"True," she said with a smirk. 

"Or if you'd looked like the rear end of a targ...spirits, why couldn't you have looked like the rear end of a targ or had the personality of Borg drone? Then life would have been much less complicated!" 

"Sure would. Wait a minute! Why couldn't you have looked like the rear end of a targ?" 

"Guess I was born to charm." 

"Damn." 

"Why?" 

"We are unlucky." 

"Or very lucky. Depending on which way you look at it." 

"Hmm." 

"Did you know? When you appointed me as your First Officer...did you have any inkling we'd end up like this?" 

Her brow knitted as she thought about this. Had she any inkling? All those years ago. He'd swaggered into her Ready Room, flushed with glory from sacrificing his ship to save hers, raging with adrenaline and a healthy dose of testosterone from his close brush with death. He'd expected to be thrown in the Brig, and instead she'd offered him a job right at her side. Why had she taken such a huge unprecedented risk, a far greater breach of protocol than the one she was contemplating now? 

Was it because of necessity or because she instinctively knew he could be trusted? Or because she sensed immediately they would click? Was she instantly captivated by his muscular body and dark brooding features? (She had not at the time known they could melt into a disarming dimpled smile.) Was this intriguingly dangerous man an exciting challenge to her own vibrant personality? Truth was it was all of those things. And more. 

"I have to admit," she said quietly, knowing that she had never once regretted her decision, "I probably did." 


	3. Chapter 3

The next day, after the arrival of the data-stream, Chakotay was surprised not to see Kathryn at all. It puzzled him in a way, because he thought she might prefer to reveal the contents to him in private, given her revulsion to airing their affairs in public. Tuvok was similarly unavailable. He wondered if the two of them were holed up together discussing the matter. 

He had to wait till the next morning's briefing to find out the response. 

* * *

  


"Any other business?" asked Janeway, concluding a meeting that had spanned the never ending search for supplies and status of ship maintenance. 

Chakotay looked at her in amazement. She hadn't even mentioned the protocol issue. Had they not even had a response from Starfleet? And if they had, were she and Tuvok going to keep it to themselves? 

"Captain, may I enquire as to whether we have had a response from Starfleet regarding our request for clarification of the fraternization protocol?" he ventured. 

"You may," answered Janeway rather calmly. "Tuvok?" 

"Ah yes," responded Tuvok. "I quote: regarding protocol 101. Starfleet recognises that the starship Voyager is undoubtedly operating under exceptional circumstances, and they concur that protocol 101 should be rescinded in its entirety. In its place, they recommend this: 

Senior ranking officers assigned to a starship should at all times refrain from conducting themselves in any way that is detrimental to the command structure or to the efficient and safe running of the ship. They recognise that relationships can and will happen between members of the crew, including ranking officers, and that in general this is not something to be discouraged, given the likely length of our mission. They then comment that they trust us to make our own judgement _in the field_ , and it is for us collectively or individually to decide what is appropriate and what is not." 

"Can I ask if any individuals are exempt from this?" asked Chakotay. 

"No. It applies to everybody on Voyager." 

"Thank-you," said Janeway. An awkward silence followed as everybody waited for her to speak. Apparently, she had nothing to add to this. Chakotay inwardly drew a huge sigh of relief. 

"Captain," continued Tuvok, "I have the greatest respect for you, and I would not in any way wish to interfere, but one cannot fail to have noticed a certain tension on the Bridge, particularly since this discussion of protocol has come up." 

"Your meaning, Tuvok?" asked a rather irritated Captain. 

"Between the Commander and yourself. May I enquire as to whether you have come to any resolution of your differences?" 

Janeway looked at him with a certain amount of resentment. She couldn't believe Tuvok of all people would bring this up in a briefing. It seemed they were all conspiring against her. "That," she said pointedly, "is a private matter between the Commander and myself." 

"I understand. But, off the record, I should like to say that, should the two of you decide to further your acquaintance, you would both have my unequivocal support." 

"Tuvok, are you encouraging us?" she asked in amazement. 

"Indeed. I think it would be a natural development of your relationship. And, although happiness is a rather puzzling human emotion, I believe you would both experience much more of it together." 

"And what if it turns out to be a spectacular disaster? Professionally or personally." 

"I do not anticipate that outcome," said Tuvok solemnly. 

"How so?" 

"You and the Commander have forged a strong bond over the years. I have watched you together. You have already come through many tests in your relationship, and yet you still care for each other profoundly. In many ways, your bond seems to strengthen as a result. I have worked with many humans in my long life, and I have never seen a pair of people better matched with each other. I have a high expectation of this being a successful mating. It would be illogical to think otherwise." 

"High expectation?" 

"Yes, Captain. I calculate you and the Commander have a compatibility index of over ninety-six percent. " 

"Ninety-six percent? Really, Tuvok, you sound as if you are discussing cross-fertilization of your prize orchids! I know you deeply resent any public discussion of intimate life. Why should I respond well to having mine discussed so freely?" 

At this point, most of the senior officers were fidgeting awkwardly in their chairs. They couldn't believe Tuvok would take on the Captain regarding this matter in front of the rest of them. 

"I assure you, Captain, that I have more concern for your sensibilities than that. I merely wished to allay your fears and offer my support. I speak only as your friend, and out of concern for the well-being of the two commanding officers of this ship." 

"May I say something as your chief medical officer?" put in the Doctor, sensing this was an opportunity to give the command team a shove in the right direction. 

Janeway closed her eyes. This was making her excessively uncomfortable. "Off the record, although I will happily record it in my medical logs, if it will relieve you of some of the responsibility." 

"Why do I get the feeling this is a conspiracy?" complained Janeway. 

The Doctor ignored this comment. "I have to advise you to deal with this problem on medical grounds. To deny yourself the most basic of human needs is unhealthy. You both need the physical outlet as well as the emotional connection, and as your Doctor I recommend that you resolve this one way or another…preferably with each other…or at least a good workout on the holodeck. I am concerned for your emotional well-being, if you fail to resolve this. As Commander Tuvok has said, it is affecting the atmosphere on the Bridge and therefore your ability to command. I believe it is affecting crew morale too, and that what has just happened is tantamount to the seal of approval from your senior officers. Commander Tuvok speaks for us all when he tells you that you have our support and respect, whatever you decide." 

"Thank-you, Doctor," said Janeway in a tone that clearly implied 'for heaven's sake shut up'. 

But the Doctor did not know when to leave well alone. "You have to remember that sexual intercourse is excellent physical exercise," he continued. "It can do wonders for your level of fitness, besides relieving stress and being thoroughly enjoyable in the process. I am recommending a forty-eight hour leave of absence for you both, and I would prefer not to make it an order." 

Janeway looked at him in horror. "Doctor, are you ordering us to have sex?" she asked in outrage. 

The Doctor appeared to shrink a few centimetres. He seemed at last to realise he had gone too far. "No, I would never do that," he said quickly. "But let me say it is my highest recommendation." 

Kathryn looked across at Chakotay, wondering how he was reacting to all of this, in some way seeking support in countering the Doctor. This was a highly inappropriate forum for such a discussion. As she observed the amused twinkle in his eye, she realised she wasn't going to get it. He had his eyes fixed on her, studying her reaction carefully. The smug bastard was enjoying this. 

"I don't believe this! How can the two of you presume to know what is best for the Commander and myself?" 

"Captain," said Tuvok, "we have both been in a position to observe the signs closely. You cannot deny that the two of you have feelings for each other. What you do about it is a private matter, but we are respectfully requesting that you deal with this. That's why we're recommending leave of absence. We're in relatively quiet space here. I am confident the senior officers can handle things for a while, and you and the Commander will be only a comm. link away in an emergency." 

Kathryn leapt up and began to pace up and down, a sure sign of her increasing anger. "You're requesting I...we take a leave of absence?" 

"Forty-eight hours," said the Doctor. 

The Captain ran her eyes around the table. Chakotay was still grinning at the far end, but growing warier by the minute. Harry was beetroot red, as uncomfortable with all this as the Captain herself. B'Elanna's eyes were cast down, empathising with the Captain's discomfiture. Seven was looking coolly curious, and Paris on the edge of his seat, eager to see how this all might end. 

"Is this being minuted?" asked the Captain, glaring at Tuvok. 

"No," said Tuvok. "We've gone off record." 

"Thank goodness for small mercies. And if I refuse?" 

"I could make it an order," said the Doctor. 

"Well, I seem to be out-manoeuvred. I can't fight all of you on this." 

"Captain, it is not our intention to put you in a difficult position, merely to give you the time to devote your energies into resolving this. We respect your need for privacy, and will leave you alone now. We will expect you both back on duty in the day after tomorrow," finished Tuvok. 

A silence fell and long seconds slipped away with the only sound coming from the Captain's footfalls and the squeak of her boots as she changed direction. The tension was palpable, the senior officers almost cringing behind the Briefing Room table. "Have you all quite finished?" 

Tom opened his mouth to speak and then thought better of it, when he saw the steely rage in Janeway's eyes. 

"Lieutenant Paris?" 

"Nothing, ma'am," said Paris. 

"Thank goodness someone here has the wisdom to hold his tongue at long last! I never want to hear my private life being discussed in a briefing again, is that understood? There is no way this is an appropriate forum for such a discussion, and if any of you have anything to say of this nature in future you will address either the Commander or myself in private. And if I so much as hear a whisper of any of this below decks, someone's going to jump for it! Do I make myself clear?" There were a lot of nods around the table. "Dismissed," she muttered, resentfully. "Get yourselves out of here, before I space the lot of you!" 

There was a loud scraping of chairs and a mad scramble for the exit. The Captain slumped back in her chair, throwing her head back over the rim with a sigh. Chakotay hovered uncertainly. He knew she was containing a lot of frustration and anger just beneath the surface. 

"You want me to go too?" he asked her. 

She looked up accusingly. "No, dammit. You're the one that started all this. And as embarrassing and humiliating as this all is, they're right about one thing. We do have to sort this out once and for all. I obviously had no idea how much the tension between you and me was affecting those around us." 

"So what do you want to do?" 

"Does it make a damned difference what I want? Everybody else seems to have my life all planned out!" 

"Of course, it makes a difference!" 

"You could have fooled me. Maybe this is what you planned when you started all this." 

"Well, the way I see it we have two options. We go down below right now, and I give you that forty-eight hour workout the Doctor recommended. Trust me, I can give you the workout of your life. You'll hardly be able to sit in your Captain's chair by the time we get back to the Bridge. But you'll love every minute, I promise. I'll make sure of it. Or you could go on the holodeck and play around with some unsatisfying hologram, like you always do, and maybe I can do the same, but I don't think that's going to help matters any. Or there's always Mike Ayala…I'm sure he'd be happy to oblige you. He's always had the hots for you." 

She looked at him furiously, detecting the sarcasm in his voice. It was costing her a lot to rein in her anger. "Or we could talk." 

"We've done that. It's achieved nothing." 

"It's achieved nothing…because you haven't got me into bed yet, you mean." 

"You think it's right that we face each other each day, wanting badly to deepen our relationship and never allowing ourselves to do so? Kathryn, that is precisely the problem. We can't keep doing this." 

"And you think forty-eight hours will purge the tension?" 

"No," he said sincerely. "Not for a moment. A whole lifetime won't be enough. I love you. This is not some adolescent crush. I would never have put you in this position if it was, and I don't believe it is for you either. But it's a start and we take it from there." 

"And if it's a spectacular disaster? It's not like we're in the Alpha Quadrant and we can just walk away, if it is." 

He looked at her sympathetically. He understood this was the vulnerable woman underneath speaking. "As Tuvok put it, I do not anticipate that outcome." He moved to beside her and swung her chair round to face him. With his hands one on each armrest, he leaned in close to her face. "Our compatibility is practically off the scale, and in Vulcan terms that's a pretty high endorsement." 

"Why do I have the uncomfortable sensation of being a zoological specimen? Like some rare breed everyone is desperate to get mated?" 

"I wouldn't put it like that. But you are unique, Kathryn. And very special, to me above all. There is only one you and only one me. I firmly believe that what we could have cannot be had with anyone else." 

"Smooth, Chakotay. You're the one in this room that wants to go along with this." 

"You do too. Don't deny it. You want it too. You just won't give yourself permission." She scowled at this. "Well, your senior officers just gave you permission, in case you hadn't realised. They all love you and respect you, and they want you to be happy, and no-one out there thinks you'll be any less a Captain if you start having sex with your First Officer. You've been handed the best license you can get out here in this God-forsaken quadrant, and I think you know it." 

"Starfleet might not view it that way." 

"Damn Starfleet. I'm sick of them interfering with our love-life. They're thousands of light years away, and I don't care what they think. Besides, I think it's a serious matter, if you go against medical advice." 

"He stopped short of ordering me to have sex." 

"Yes, he did. Which was only appropriate. Fine, if you want to go away and resolve this on your own, then do. But I want you to look me in the eye and tell me you don't want to sleep with me, first." 

She looked him in the eye, but the words would not come. "We've been through all this before." 

"Yes we have, and we're no further forward. Tell me, Kathryn." 

"You know I can't." 

"Well then, it's time you gave yourself permission…to love and be loved. Or do you want to wait another thirty or forty years for us to reach home, bearing in mind that might have some difficulty in getting my leg over by then?" 

She smiled at the thought. "No, I don't!" 

"So?" 

There was a long pause. "Well congratulations, Chakotay. It seems you've won." 

His face fell. "Not if by that you mean you've lost. If that's how you view it, then I want no part of it. This stops right here. We go down to our quarters and sit out quietly for two days. Then we come back on duty, and try to pretend everything's alright between us." 

"But it won't be." 

"No, I doubt it will. Wouldn't it be better for all concerned if we resolved this in the most wonderful, beautiful way possible?" 

Her face softened, the tears threatened, but Chakotay wasn't going to offer her any sympathy. 

He turned and stepped towards the Briefing Room doors. "Either we both win, or we both lose. Good day, Captain," he said, as he exited the room. 

"Dismissed," she said tearfully at the vacant space. She'd been thrown by the fact that he'd backed down. At just the moment she had been about to throw in the towel, he'd backed down. For some reason, that made her want to curl into a ball and sob her heart out. 


	4. Chapter 4

They avoided each other for the rest of the day and he supposed she was hiding out in her quarters just as he was, too humiliated to be publicly seen to have been rejected. The ball was in her court now. He realised she felt like a trapped animal, and Kathryn didn't react well to that situation. He'd made a grave mistake in backing her into a corner. He knew he had to back off and let her come to her own conclusions. He knew their relationship could never work, if she felt it had been forced upon her. She had to come to him of her own volition. So her silence was painful. For the first time in weeks he felt his hope fading. 

It was actually very late at night before his commbadge went. He was already preparing for bed with a rather heavy heart, aware that twelve hours had already been wasted. 

"Chakotay, can we talk?" came Kathryn's voice. 

"I don't know. It's rather late." 

"Please. It's important. Can you come round?" 

With a sigh, he capitulated. "I'll be right over." 

He pushed back the bedclothes and walked the few paces to her door. She let him into her quarters and he was surprised to see she was wearing her rather sexy pink nightgown with a matching wrap thrown over it. 

He sat himself on her sofa, allowing his eyes to travel over her form appreciatively. 

"Kathryn, go and put something else on…I can't answer for my actions if you flaunt yourself in front of me wearing all that silk and lace. You're hard to resist." 

Kathryn pouted for a few moments. Irresistible, as it happened, was exactly what she intended. Then she trudged in disappointment into her bedroom and grabbed a blanket. She came back out, wrapped in the blanket, and took her place with a slight sulk at the other end of the sofa, almost as far from him as she could manage. 

He suppressed a laugh at the sight. In some ways, she was just as irresistible snuggling into the blanket like a small kitten, especially with the knowledge that all that silk and lace was still underneath. 

"We need to talk," she repeated. 

"Has something changed from this morning?" 

"Well no…well yes." 

"Care to elaborate?" 

"I don't know where to begin." Truth was that his backing down had given her something of a jolt. 

"How about telling me how you feel. All this is academic if you don't love me." 

"You know I do." 

"That's no kind of answer. We've skipped around the truth for too long. You need to say the words, Kathryn. I need to hear you say them." 

"I love you. Satisfied?" 

"Yes, for now. Next question: what you want to do about it? Do you want to turn this into a full and committed relationship?" 

It was on the tip of Kathryn's tongue to say "You know I do" but she quickly amended it to "Yes." 

"Now or in thirty years time?" 

"Well now, of course…" 

"I can hear a huge _'but'_ hanging of the end of that." 

She looked at him with surprise. He could read her so well. "But what? Starfleet have given us their tacit approval, your engagement to Mark is long since confined to history. What is holding you back?" 

"Chakotay, I'm terrified…" she confessed. 

"Terrified? What of?" 

"Of losing myself in this. Of no longer being the Captain this ship needs." 

Chakotay gasped. This made a lot of sense to him. "Kathryn, you already trust me with your life and your ship. Why can't you trust me with your heart as well? I won't let you lose yourself. Jump and I will catch you! That I promise." 

She looked at him hopefully. "I've loved two men in my life. Two other men, I mean. I really lost myself in Justin. Before and after he died. But I had no responsibilities then. Mark was a safe love. Not so consuming. Not so risky." 

"I always understood that. I knew you were not that devastated when he told you he'd married." 

"No, I wasn't. I had you by then." 

"And you think loving me would be just as all consuming, just as risky, as with Justin?" 

She nodded. "More so. Justin was nothing like the companion and rock to me that you are. Neither did I have all this responsibility at the time." 

"Kathryn, this is already a huge risk. We may not have consummated this, but it already is. It got like it without our even trying. I would already fall apart if I lost you, just as you would if you lost me. To love this deeply is risky…but it makes it all the more wonderful, all the more satisfying when it's allowed to fly freely. 

We have two choices here: we take this step together, accepting the rewards outweigh the risks, or agree to stay apart forever. I can't wait another thirty years for you, and I know you wouldn't expect me to. We go our separate ways, stop socialising, only meet on a professional basis. You know it's only fair to grant me that. I can't keep taking this." Kathryn's eyes widened in horror at the prospect. "I take it that's not what you want either?" 

Kathryn shook her head slowly. "Then trust me. I love you. Jump and I'll catch you. I'm not going to let you mess up as a Captain. I'll be right beside you all the way. I'll hold you firm. We've been together long enough, through enough trials for you to know I mean that. You can lose yourself as much as you like when we're off-duty, but I'll hold you up as soon as you take up the Captain's mantle." 

"I'm never off-duty." 

"Then it's high time you were, and I rather think our meeting this morning shows that the rest of the crew will support you on this. No-one can live like that. Six years without a break? Give me a shot at this, and I'll give Voyager a much happier, but just as effective Captain." 

"Who still wants to get us home?" 

"For as long as that is a realistic prospect, yes. And if we ever decide that it's time to stop and set down roots out here in the Delta Quadrant, we will make that decision together with the senior staff." 

She nodded and her lips moved almost imperceptibly in agreement. 

"The question is: how much do you trust me?" 

She looked up earnestly. "I do trust you." 

"Enough?" 

"Yes. Enough." 

He moved across the sofa, and prised one of her hands out from under the blanket. "So now, are you going to give me another look at that rather sexy nightgown?" Kathryn allowed a small wistful smile to escape. "You're not scared of anything else are you? Does the thought of my kissing you senseless terrify you too? Is the great Captain Janeway afraid of letting my hands roam wilfully across her bare skin? Does the thought of what I might do with her when I get her naked, terrify her?" His voice was challenging, as he intended. 

Kathryn, if she was honest, did feel a frisson of fear at the prospect, but a far greater thrill of anticipation too. Who was she not to rise to a challenge? 

She shrugged the blanket from around her and came to stand in front of him. Then, to his surprise, she undid the wrap as well slipping it from her slight form. She now stood shimmering in the dim light, wearing just her nightgown. And it would be Chakotay's privilege to remove that. 

He reached forward with both hands and fingered the silk that caressed her hips, raising the gown by a fraction of an inch. "Are we really going to do this?" he asked in wonder. 

"Yes, Chakotay. I think we are." 


	5. Chapter 5

Chakotay lifted his communicator with a huge grin. "Commander Chakotay, personal log, stardate 54070.3," he began dictating. "I regret to report Commander Tuvok made a grave error in his calculations. Ninety-six percent was a serious under-estimate. The Captain and I have just spent thirty-six hours fucking like rabbits. Too bad we have to go back on duty this morning. Let me say that she is even more impressive in bed than she is strutting her stuff on the Bridge. Let no-one be deceived by her starchy command posture and icy glare. She squeals like a banshee when she comes, and there is most definitely a hot-blooded temptress underneath that forbidding façade. I've never seen any more beautiful sight than Kathryn Janeway without a stitch on her. And just to prove it…" 

"Chakotay, stop it!" squealed the naked woman in the bed beside him. 

He aimed the device and took a holo-image of her from the belly up as her eyes widened in horror. 

"Chakotay!" 

"End log," he finished, moving the recording device away from his mouth. "There, let Starfleet stick that in their pipe and smoke it! They deserve it for thinking up such ludicrous protocols in the first place." 

"Chakotay, erase that at once!" she yelped. 

"What? And miss the reaction on their faces when they listen to it?" 

"Give it here!" she yelped, reaching for it, but only swiping at space as he drew it further away. "They won't read your personal logs anyway." 

"You forget, I'm a wanted man. Ten to one they'll go through them with a fine toothcomb." 

"Give it here…or you'll spend the next ten years in the Brig!" 

He laughed, stretching his arm away from the bed and holding it out of her reach. "Now, now. You're not the Captain in the bedroom. Remember?" 

He had to suppress a grunt of delight as she slithered over his groin in another attempt to grab the device from him. As he threw it beyond her reach, her arms flailed in space until she came to rest, hands on floor, head down, body across his abdomen and rear end high in the air within convenient reach of his hands. 

"My, my, Janeway," he added, the grin showing in his voice, "this is a most interesting side of yourself you're showing me. What a spectacular view I have of you right now!" He leaned over and nipped a buttock once or twice with his teeth. 

"Chakotay, I'm going to kill you!" came a muffled voice from over the edge of the bed. 

"No, you won't," he said confidently. "You won't be able to live without more of this…I'm an addiction, Janeway, and I've got you hooked." 

She lifted her head with a jolt, as he reached between her legs and pressed his right thumb on her delightful little nub. There was a sharp intake of breath, and he laughed aloud at her reaction. She was completely stuck. He wasn't letting her slide down, and she couldn't push herself back up. 

He scooted his left hand under her hip to lift her slightly farther off the bed and allow him better access. In seconds, he had her panting on the edge from his two-pronged assault. Two hands from opposite directions. And one very excited bundle of nerves receiving their very expert attention. 

"My hands are rather amazing, aren't they? I know you used to look at them and wonder...when I was working the console between our seats! Don't deny it...I used to catch you watching!" he teased his writhing victim. 

The woman to whom he was speaking had her feet flailing in the air and was in no position to argue. "Aaargh! Ch..." was all she managed. 

He laughed again, as he continued his assault. It only took her a few more moments of his sweet sweet torture to shatter completely. "You know," he told her with a triumphant grin, as he released her slightly and slapped her fondly on the butt, "I'm never going to tire of finding different ways to make you fall apart." 

* * *

  


Later, as she wended her way to the Bridge, she knew that she was going to have to chase away the foggy daydream that seemed to be swirling her brain. In a few minutes, she'd have to be the Captain, not some silly loved-up adolescent with her head in the clouds. She could indulge herself for a few moments more, but then she really would have to snap out of it. She wondered if she could. It had long been her greatest fear. 

It had been the most wonderful thirty-six hours. She couldn't deny it, any more than she could deny herself the pleasure of future indulgence. She didn't have the strength to resist any more. She'd already agreed that they'd get together straight after their shifts had ended. Dinner, talk, and of course hours more love-making. She knew she'd pretty soon agree to him moving in permanently, and he'd already started sowing the seeds for legalising the arrangement. He'd win. She knew it now. There was force at work in this, far stronger than she could resist. But she wouldn't have lost. She knew that just at certainly. 

The door opened on the Bridge, and the seven officers at work there looked up expectantly. 

"Captain on the Bridge," said Harry Kim. 

She pulled herself up straight, thankful that Chakotay had gone to his office to work instead. "At ease, gentlemen." 

She took careful steps towards her chair, looking around her at her staff with her assumed confident air, until most turned back to their duties. Tom Paris' eyes remained, watching her like a hawk, and she felt the burn of them on her face. She willed herself not to blush and eased herself slowly into her chair. She was glad it was well-cushioned. Leaning back, she crossed her legs in time-honoured fashion. Tom turned away, a little bemused, she thought with satisfaction. 

She spent the next ten minutes receiving and reviewing reports from her Bridge team and engineering. There'd been no major incidents in her absence. Repairs had progressed as expected. A new problem was developing in the starboard nacelle, but engineers were working on a solution. Scanners still hadn't detected any M-class planets within reach, but there was a possible source of deuterium about eighteen hours away. Tuvok had already adjusted course to investigate. Neelix had served up Leola Root and mung bean casserole two days in a row, which had resulted in some minor grumbles. 

The ship was still moving. It hadn't crashed. It hadn't disappeared into a black hole. It hadn't been blown out of existence. 

And she was still Captain. Still doing the best job she could. With a smile, she decided that whatever delightful things happened in the privacy of her quarters, it wouldn't interfere in her ability to do her job. 

Eventually she took herself off to her Ready Room, handing the Bridge over to Tuvok. 

After the doors had closed behind her, Paris swivelled in his chair, and looked at Harry speculatively. 

"Well, what do you say, Harry? Not a wince when she sat down! I thought the old man had more stamina in him than that." 

"I wouldn't know. I couldn't see," said the embarrassed ensign, not particularly wishing to discuss his revered Captain is so insolent a fashion or so open a forum. 

"See anything, Mike?" said Tom, looking at Ayala. 

"I do think she sat down with exceptional care," conceded Ayala. 

Tom grinned at this. "I think you're right." 

"Mr. Paris!" came Tuvok's admonishing tone. "I expect you to keep your mind on your work." 

"Aw, come on, Tuvok. Don't you think it's the least bit interesting?" 

"I do not indulge myself in idle speculation." 

"Tuvok! Wasn't it you that postulated the rather astonishing ninety-six percent?" 

"Mr. Paris, wasn't it you who mentioned at one of our recent briefings that you had every respect for the Captain?" 

"And I do. I just wanted to know if she had a good time." 

Tuvok fixed him with his steady eye. "That is not your concern. I'm sure you would not wish me to explain to the Captain why you are not concentrating fully on your job. Return to your work." 

"Yes, Commander," said Paris with a resigned sigh. He turned and studied the readings reluctantly. Nothing much was happening that demanded his attention. The ship could steer itself through such unremarkable space. And so it was a few seconds before he heard Tuvok's voice again. He lifted his head in surprise, knitting his brow in amazement at Tuvok's addendum. 

"I will allow, however, that she had a particularly bright twinkle in her eye." 


End file.
